10 Things to Be Grateful For As You Start a New School Year

For those of us for whom the end of summer means the start of school, whether that be high school, college, graduate school, etc., getting back to the grindstone can feel like a bit of a let-down. There’s always a silver lining, though, and to highlight that, here are 10 things you can be glad you probably won’t have to worry about as you start school:

~ you will not be punished in front of the whole class for illicitly smuggling in pickled limes (assuming, of course, that you don’t smuggle in pickled limes – I, for one, would not advise it)

~ you won’t have to run away from a dysfunctional orphanage with your friends when one of them sort-of-semi-accidentally steals books

~ you don’t have a teacher that will make you sit next to a boy – not to mention a boy you happen to hate – as a punishment

~ you won’t have to face the wrath of your headmaster after being caught trying to steal his biscuits, and won’t have to unexpectedly run into him years later and immediately accidentally spill tea on his white trousers

~ you don’t have to go to a drama school to try to make a living acting, when all you want from life is to tinker with cars and fly airplanes

~ you don’t have to be a pupil under your future husband’s obnoxious sister (who happens to hate you – the sister, that is, not the future husband)

~ you won’t crack a raw egg on your forehead during lunch, thinking it’s hard-boiled

~ you won’t have learn two new languages so that you can earn your living as a translator after you leave your grandfather in a huff (though it was all his fault, since he insulted your father and – can you imagine – is not a Bonapartist)

~ you won’t be convinced by your well-meaning but manipulating new friend to drop your schoolfriends and their very amiable and pleasant brother

~ you won’t have to give a speech in front of a whole school of obnoxious little girls who could best be described as hard-bitten thugs of the worst description

Happy studying!

(Extra special bonus points if you get any/all of the allusions.)