Highlights from Khraniteli (Soviet Fellowship of the Ring)

Where The Lord of the Rings are concerned, I’m more of a by-the-books kind of girl. But there is one film version I would like to highlight for you all today for Tolkien Week (check out Hamlette’s post here to join the fun!), and that is Khraniteli. This will mostly be poking fun at said film version, because it’s impossible not to. But it’s good-natured poking, since it really is rather endearing in its badness.

Khraniteli is a Russian adaptation which was released in 1991 on Soviet TV. Only The Fellowship of the Ring is available – I’m not sure if the rest of it was never made or if the footage just hasn’t been found (the footage we have now was only found very recently, just a few years ago).

Khraniteli is a prime example of a movie that’s so bad that it’s good. It’s charmingly bad, and I admire the can-do spirit that decided that with the budget to buy no more than three (brown) horses for the Nazgul, they were still going to go ahead and film The Lord of the Rings.

(Here and here are videos of it with English subtitles, if you’d like to see it for yourself.)

~ The first highlight I want to share is Gandalf’s fireworks. They are – aHEM! – a bit on the low-budget side…

…but it’s kind of cute.

~ The sound effect to show the Ring’s power really tickles my fancy. It sounds like an electric pebble falling into a pond.

~ So yes, the green screen for the bit showing Gollum’s origin story (and a lot of the green screen later on, too) is distractingly horrible, but what I notice even more is just how happy they make Gollum look. He’s just an enthusiastic little frog man, waving his arms around with his mouth open. Then Gandalf has to come along and grab him by the throat and wave a torch in his face. Seems a little mean.

~ There’s snow everywhere on the ground. Always.

~ Tom Bombadil and Goldberry are about five times larger than the hobbits.

~ The Barrow-Wight does legitimately look terrifying. Not quite how I pictured the Barrow-Wight, but it is pretty creepy.

~ For reasons unbeknownst to me, they have Frodo grab Aragorn by the collar and demand his true name when they meet at The Prancing Pony. And then Aragon shakes him off and says “I’m Aragorn! The Strider in Gandalf’s letter!” and all the hobbits are just immediately happy with that and desire no further proof.

~ There’s a soulful very ’80s-sounding song after Frodo is stabbed on Weathertop…it’s a bit strange tonally. Something a little more dramatic and a little less catchy would have been more fitting, methinks.

~ The way they show the Ring’s hold over Bilbo at Rivendell is a little weird, but I think it actually does a good job of getting the message across.

~ There’s a shot of Saruman maniacally laughing with his hands cupped around a flame. It’s ridiculously over-the-top and I love it.

~ Gandalf’s escape by eagle from Saruman’s tower needs to be seen to be believed.

~ Same with the wolf attack before they enter the mines of Moria.

~ Instead of a gross snake-creature pulling Frodo into the water outside the gates of Moria, Frodo just doesn’t look where he’s going and falls in. Some of the Fellowship awkwardly move around apparently trying to help him out, one of the hobbits does absolutely nothing but stand around dabbing his eyes, and Legolas (who is very clearly played by a woman, by the way) awkwardly looks concerned as Sam and Aragorn awkwardly push past her.

~ Galadriel’s throne room or whatever it was looks exactly like a Star Trek set, and I am not complaining.

~ Especially considering the low budget, I again thought the bit where Galadriel “passes the test” was legitimately well-done.

~ The Mirror of Galadriel, on the other hand….well, I won’t spoil it. Watch it and you’ll see. HA HAA! HA HA HA!!

So this isn’t exactly an adaptation you take seriously. But it’s great fun to watch, and it’s really impossible to hate. Would you hate a cheesy low-budget school play of The Lord of the Rings? Of course not. You would enjoy the enthusiasm of the performers and smile indulgently at its failings, and that’s how Khraniteli should be viewed.